I guess this post is more for me than you guys but if somehow this post helps just one of you then I have made a difference.
For years I have suffered with anxiety and Depression.
A lot of those years I didn’t have a label for it I just thought something was wrong with me. It was five years ago when I was diagnosed officially and in some way it was a blessing in disguise to know what it was.
I have been through some very challenging times in my life that I thought I had dealt with but I guess I hadn’t.
I can’t ever describe it, it changes so often but if I had to I guess I would describe it as your own mind turning against you.
Its like you are in there and you can see things clearly but you’re not on your own and there are times where this panic jut sets in. You can see what is happening but you are completely helpless in doing anything about it. You are completely consumed by the feeling of panic and you don’t know when it is going to stop. The thing is you can’t work out what causes it to happen. You spend all day wishing that today is going to be fine and you won’t have an attack. It’s like living in constant fear.
I have bad days; really bad days where I don’t want to leave the house and just want to curl up into a ball in the corner.
However not everyday is like that, I have good days too. Days where I can feel that I can conquer this feeling and take charge of my life again.
The bad days are happening less and less but they still happen. I am on some strong medication, which makes things better. But it doesn’t cure anything it just makes the days more bearable. It angered me so much when I was put on the medication because I was so scared that I would become dependant on them, that they were the only thing keeping me from falling apart. Ever since I was given them I have vowed that I will not be on them for the rest of my life.
I have used them as a driving force to help me manage my own mind without any help. It even though it has been a long road it is working slowly.
But hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Other things have helped too.
The biggest thing has been my husband he still panics every time I have an attack but he lets me take charge and just waits for me to tell him what I want.
Meditation has helped to being able to control my breathing helps me calm myself down when it all gets too much. There are plenty of apps out there that are free that can get you started.
I think the biggest thing that has helped is space. Having a place that is just yours to help you clear your head. My place changes often whether if it’s having a day out somewhere quiet or sitting on the beach listening to the waves.
But having a place at home helps too.
I have a spare room which is filled with books where I just get lost in a book whether it’s harry potter or the newest edition to my collection having that quiet time helps so much.
Everyone who suffers from anxiety is different and has different things that help. The thing is anxiety isn’t something that you can see you can’t tell if the person who sits next to you on the bus suffer too.
I hope that by sharing my experiences if I can help one person then that is enough.
Remember you are never alone.